Villagers With Pitchforks

I am in awe

2009-01-23T19:52:00.002-07:00

As an occasional part-time cartoonist, I am in awe of Darby Conley, who got a whole week's worth of Get Fuzzy strips out of one word. Behold:

Timer For Rent

2009-01-20T14:45:00.001-07:00

The countdown timer at the top of this blog has expired. Suggestions welcomed for recycling it.

Uh-Oh

2008-12-23T07:33:00.003-07:00

I've been a slacker*, so I haven't been updating here very often.

So imagine my surprise to find that the Earth has been destroyed, according to the handy indicator in the left sidebar. I logged in at the Earth Destruction Advisory Board to find:

It is our duty to inform you that as of 7:35:05am UTC on September 10, 2008, the Earth has been destroyed.
...

Evidence is still being collated, but preliminary results suggest that the Earth was destroyed pre-emptively by scientists at the Large Hadron Collider at CERN, Geneva, Switzerland, before the commencement of their experiments to locate the Higgs Boson, as a precautionary measure to ensure that the experiment itself could not result in the destruction of the Earth.

I must have slept through it.

I for one welcome my mad scientist overlords.

*hard-working and rather sick, all at the same time. I feel much better.

Global Warming: A Demonstration

2008-12-23T07:06:00.002-07:00

I was reading a post over on Making Light today which mentioned the seemingly paradoxical fact that the more intense winter weather we're experiencing is caused by global warming.

How can this be? Let's do a demo. You'll need the following household items:

A pan or pot. If it's Pyrex, it will be a bit easier to observe the results.
Half a pan of cold water.
A cup of hot water.
A couple of ice cubes.
Two different drops of food coloring. I use red and blue.
The kitchen stove.

The pan is your planet.
The water is your atmosphere.
The food coloring is there to show atmospheric motion.

Half fill the pan with cold water and place on the stove.
Slowly add a small amount of hot water to one side of the pan.
Slowly add a couple of ice cubes to the other side of the pan.
Put a couple of drops of food coloring in opposite sides of the pan. A drop of red on the hot water, a drop of blue where you added the ice.. These are your simulated air masses.
Watch for five minutes. The convection from the temperature differences will slowly move the dyes around. You've created weather on a small scale.
Now add global warming: Turn the stove on for five minutes. Continue watching. The dyes will mix faster.
You're done.

That's what's going on. The energy from global warming goes into the atmosphere, and the storms become more energetic. Even the winter storms.

Is Jon Stewart the Most Trusted main In America?

2008-08-17T21:55:00.002-07:00

...asks this NY Times profile, which I was referred to tangentially, via a tech article about the show's use of 15 Tivos. go figure.

In Case of Emergency

2008-06-24T21:11:00.001-07:00

According to Fafblog:

1. Is there an emergency?
a. Yes!
- Quick! Break glass in case of emergency.
- Oh no, now I'm all cut and bleeding on this broken glass!
- Sounds like an emergency! Quick, break more glass.
- Okay, I broke the glass! Now what?
- Oh no, what'd you do that for! You needed that glass for the emergency!

Happy Voice of Command Day

2008-05-11T09:37:00.003-07:00

Abi Sutherland, in Making Light:

Today is Mother’s Day. Due to the complex interaction of the sun, the moon, and history, it also happens to be Pentecost. This conjunction can only happen when Easter is as early as possible in the calendar.

It is proposed, therefore, that the common theme of these two holidays be combined and generalized, so that those who do not celebrate one or both of them have some reason to make whoopie today.

Happy Voice of Command Day, in honor of all of those people in our lives who were irrefutably right. Parents, teachers, counsellors and eminences, priests and priestesses, even good books whose words vibrated our very breastbones and set us on the path of whatever righteousness was needed at the time.

You will celebrate it.

Read the whole thing. Don't forget the comments.

Health For Geeks

2008-05-03T15:18:00.005-07:00

Exercise is really boring, so a great many of us don't do it. I spent a year under the tutelage of a personal trainer, so I know how to lift weights, but I almost never do that. It's boring, and the fact that I gained muscle tone and almost cured my blood sugar issues wasn't the motivation it should have been. The only thing that kept me going to the trainer was the one-year contract I signed, and the unwillingness to waste the money. At the end of the contract, I needed a down payment for a new car, and that was the end of that training - and the beginning of my sliding back downhill, gaining flab and losing energy.

So: Fundamental problem: Exercise and diet for its own sake is boring as hell. We geeks live in our minds and don't deal with boredom very well at all. I've had to come up with workarounds to keep me healthy and not so bored.

Here are my personal rules:

This is about being healthy, not being thin
I'm not here to lecture you about your body size, your "image", your looks. You can look however you want to.

Pick the simplest-to-manage ~~diet~~ eating plan possible
This might take you a few tries, but it is vital. In my case, South Beach is fairly easy to internalize. Others I know have done wonders on Weight Watchers.
Here are general guidelines that have worked for me:
- High-fructose corn syrup is your enemy! Avoid it.
  You're going to be reading ingredient lists; so remember one thing: Avoid high-fructose corn syrup. Cane sugar is fine; beet sugar is OK. This alone will help you feel better and be a little trimmer.
  Story: Because I avoid it, I can feel the effects of high-fructose corn syrup (specific aches and pains) on those few occasions when I have some - sometimes the only thing around to help me out of a blood sugar crash is a Coke or Pepsi, and anyway I still like a Pepsi once a month or so. I recently travelled to New Zealand. In New Zealand the soda pop is made in Australia using cane sugar. Three weeks there, drinking regular soda and walking up and down hills such as I haven't encountered since my youth in Pittsburgh, and I had none of the side effects. Until the first Coke I had upon my return, between flights in San Francisco Airport. This one was semi-medicinal, since falling asleep in the airport would have caused missed connections and general badness. Before the next plane, I had some achy joints.

Pick the simplest exercise plan possible.
I like walking, so my plan is based on taking 10,000 steps a day, which for me is about 5 miles.

Get and use a pedometer.
All a pedometer does is count steps. I have a little electronic one that has a clock built in, and a seven day memory. I set it up, put it in my pocket and forget it. It resets to 0 at midnight.
- Record your steps in a spreadsheet daily, and set it up to graph. Use the upward curve to motivate you.
- Most modern pedometers can let you input your average step length, so you'll see your miles or km walked as well.

Have a support group.
You don't have to go to meetings - I'm on a LiveJournal group that offers mutual support and ideas.

Goals are good
I'm a Lord Of The Rings fan. There's a website out there called Walking to Rivendell. You keep a running total of your miles walked, put the mileage into the form on the website, and it tells you where you are on the walk from Hobbiton to Rivendell

Use public transit whenever possible.
It'll add steps.

No second helpings
I eat at a very good salad bar chain (Sweet Tomatoes/Souplantation) which has, among the healthy salads and soups, a good-sized bakery section full of pizza focaccia and other irresistables. Fortunately, the plates for the bad stuff are small, thus limiting my intake. So: no second helpings for me, except for iced tea with sweet and low.

Walk the dog.
Don't have a dog? Walk the neighbor's dog. We babysit a greyhound who loves to go to the park. That's a half-mile round trip right there.

Park way across the lot
Even here in Phoenix in the summer, I'll park out away from the door. There are exceptions, of course: I may be picking up something heavy or awkward, and in summer in Phoenix, I always park in the shadiest spot I can find. In general: park across the lot. Easier to get a space, and a few more steps on the pedometer.

Find something fun where exercise is incidental.
I have a couple:
- The last year or so, it's been archery. After every round, it's a minimum of forty yards of walking. This can be much more if I miss the target. Pulling the bow is a good strength workout, too, even a 25 pound bow.
- I also go to the Renaissance Festival as much as I can. The Festival here in Arizona has a 30-acre site. Lots of walking.
- I don't play video games, but I'm told the Nintendo Wii has games that can give you a bit of a workout.
- Last time I went to San Francisco, I strolled from Fisherman's Wharf over to Lucasfilm's new home, looking for the Yoda statue.
- My wife has arthritis and loves to garden. I'm not so much of a gardener, but I help out.

Overheard

2008-05-02T06:36:00.002-07:00

...in the next aisle at the grocery.
Aunt to kids:

"What kind of kids are you, ya don't like Twinkies?"
Kids laugh, present alternatives.

These are healthy kids, lady.

Hey, look! It's Fafnir! Where ya been?

2008-04-04T06:27:00.002-07:00

"The triumphant cry of revolution will call out through the streets: Vive Fáfnir! Vive Gibléts!" says Giblets.

Fafblog is back from wherever. This is a good thing. Daily dose of good. The best blog. A sample:

Monday I run into my arch-nemesis at the donut shop. It's been so long! "How ya been!" I go. He's got a wife an kids an stuff now an he's workin on his doctorate an he works for a company that makes jellybeans! "That's so cool, I love jellybeans, how do you make em!" says me. We go on a tour of a jellybean factory an I get to see everything, it is so cool! We talk for hours. It's not till I get home that I remember the revenge. Oooh darn you arch-nemesis! I'll get you yet!

That whole post

Quote

2008-03-12T21:08:00.001-07:00

Good thing I had soup and salad today, I guess:

A thought struck me as I left [McDonald's] - the bags in which you are given food at McDonald's are almost identical in texture, shape and size with the vomit bags tucked in the seat pockets of aircraft.

- Michael Palin, 8 December 1978, from his Diaries 1969-1979 - The Python Years

Operation SANTA

2007-12-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

Every year on C-Day, mysterious agents from the North begin a massive infiltration effort. Nobody seems to mind.

From command and control at the North Pole to secret manufacturing facilities in China and Eastern Europe, from the Pacific shipping lanes to the deployment of domestic-access operatives, Santa owns the silent night. With NSA surveillance tech, they see you when you're sleeping, and they know when you're awake. They know when you've been bad or good — thanks to algorithms that make Google look like Pong. You better not shout. You better not cry. Operation Santa is coming to town.

Or so says the December 2007 Wired magazine. Mouse over the graphic for the details. And listen to this NPR interview.

You better not shout. You better not cry. Operation Santa is coming to town.

Vote Early And Often

2007-12-03T05:24:00.000-07:00

Ahem.

Today's link is going to help you make your American Presidential election plans, and possibly your post-election plans as well.

Electoral-Vote.com uses selected polling data to predict the winners in the American Presidential and Senate races.

It's been an accurate predictor in the last several elections. It uses polls which are as neutral as possible, mainly at the state level - remember, here in these enlightened United States, we don't vote directly for President, we vote for electors at the state level - to call Senate races and the Electoral College. You want to see how the numbers are derived? It's on the website. Want to see the raw data? On the website. Want to learn something about how polls are conducted? It's there, too.

On the left side of this site, under the Earth Destruction meter, you can now see icons which reflect the current predictions. (Note: They are still gearing up for '08 - currently you're seeing the previous numbers)

Planning to run for the border if the wrong side wins? Here's the numbers.

Meanwhile, in the civilized lands to the North...

2007-10-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

Whilst we await our turns on the No-Fly List and investigate bug-out options in case of continued fascism, the cool kids in Canada are flying their cameras to the edge of space.

Link via the ever-so-cool BoingBoing

Time Keeps On Slipping Slipping Slipping Into the Future

2007-10-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

Say! It's mid-October already!

What a weird several weeks it's been: illness, sudden travel, more illness, lather, rinse, repeat.

Just to sort of try to explain my complete lack of posting.

So Let Me Get This Straight

2007-08-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

For idiotic reasons - and sadly, I'm the idiot in question, and no it's not funny yet, but it will be one day - I now need a new passport.

To get the passport, I need a birth certificate. I keep a messy office; so I'll need to order a fresh copy, dammit. I'm trying to save a few bucks so I can afford stuff, like food and bus fare, whilst in New Zealand. The birth certificate will cost - what a coincidence - a few bucks. I could well end up on the New New Zealand Weight Loss Plan for American Tourists, but the scenery will be delightful: a rainier, windier version of certain scenic DVDs I own. With fewer fourteen-foot walking trees, I suppose.

To get the birth certificate, I need - wait for it - a government-issued photo ID. Say: a passport? But no, being an idiot, I now lack a passport. How about a driver's license? I still have that.

Once I have the birth certificate and the drivers' license - and some more money - and a couple expensive Polariods (better remember to shave first) I now get to make an appointment to go to a Government office and oh-so-politely present all of these documents (and the extra money) which, as far as I can determine, will prove exactly:

I look much better clean-shaven (my drivers' license photo is from back when I was a scruffy Ren Fair denizen)
At some point in time, I passed a drivers' test.
I can successfully order an expensive piece of paper from another state.
I am patient with overworked bureaucrats.

For doing all of this hoop-jumping, I will get an expensive little booklet which politely states in three languages - English, French and Spanish - that:

The Secretary of State of the United States of America hereby requests all whom it may concern to permit the citizen/national of the United States named herein to pass without delay or hindrance and in case of need to give all lawful aid and protection.

No, I didn't memorize that, though if I had, perhaps I could just go up to the official in Auckland, say "The Secretary of State of the United States of America hereby requests all whom it may concern to permit me, a citizen/national of the United States named herein to pass without delay or hindrance and in case of need to give all lawful aid and protection", and hold out my hand to get stamped, like I do when going back to the car at Ren Faire to get the stupid camera, or wait for AAA to come pop the lock - again. Nor did I read it off my wife's passport. She's much wiser than I and will not let me within a furlong of her passport. I looked it up on Wikipedia, which means the text I pasted into this screed could in fact be wrong. But I'll take my chance and move along.

Now, one of the strengths of our political system is that we respect the job, not the person who holds the job. Being as I am, non-Republican, it might give me pause if my passport read: "Condoleeza Rice hereby requests all whom it may concern to permit the citizen/national of the United States named herein to pass without delay or hindrance and in case of need to give all lawful aid and protection." Though I may not have minded if Madeline Albright made the request. (I must here note that Wikipedia is very careful to point out that the French and Spanish translations of the Polite Request seem to imply that Condoleeza Rice is in fact a man. Whatever.)

However: English, Spanish and French are passe. New Zealand passports say it in English and Maori. Maori's cool. In a fifteen hour flight, I could probably memorize "He tono tenei na te Hēkeretari Condoleeza Rice ki te hunga e tika ana kia kaua e akutotia, e whakakopekatia te tangata mau i te uruwhenua nei i ana haere, a, i te wa e hiahiatia ai me awhina, me manaaki." That would impress them in Auckland.

Or I could sleep.

Global Warming Is Good

2007-08-15T23:55:00.000-07:00

Maybe we're completely wrong about global warming: 100% headed-in-the-wrong-direction, here comes the next ice age two thousand years early sorta wrong. Which we're not. The ultimate answer's gonna be some combination of man-made causes and Earth going through its cycles.

But even if we were completely wrong about global warming, there is this positive effect: it's getting more fat-assed Americans to think and act about taking care of the damn planet than I've seen in a long, long time.

At least for the time being, while it's the in thing to do.

So while it's the in thing to do, let's all go read this Freeman Dyson essay, in which he takes some unpopular views, and by the way does the math on the carbon cycle. He also has the temerity to state that hey, we damn arrogant humans really don't know everything.

Let's kick a little Democratic ass, too, while we're at it.

2007-08-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

First Puppet George Bush the Second has done a lot of damage using the mechanism of executive orders. Now I work for a living, so I'm going to ask the readership out there (both of you) if any of the Democratic candidates for President have pledged to repeal any executive order that makes the Executive Branch less transparent.

Anybody?

Didn't think so. Hopefully I'm wrong.

A-rovin' A-rovin, though Rove has been my ru-i-in

2007-08-15T23:38:00.000-07:00

Damn, the Karlroach is crawling back down his hole. Double-damn.

I want him out here in the light where we can see every move the slimy little bastard makes.

The wife thinks somethng nasty and/or embarrassing is about to break, and Karl's throwing Bush under the bus for it. After all, he can hide in his little green glowing toxic-waste pit, whereas Bush is stuck in the White House. Easy to locate, the White House. It's on all the maps.

Cheney, of course, remains in an Undisclosed Position. The mind boggles. Pass the mental floss.

Oh, where to begin?

2007-07-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm tempted to edit the countdown at the top of the page to read...

oh, hell, I'm just gonna do it. Look up at the top of the page.

bwa ha ha...

Still Not King

2007-06-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

Been ill and busy and as apathetic as possible. Feeling better; snark to resume this week

We Have Nothing To Fear but Giuliani Himself

2007-04-25T23:22:00.000-07:00

Rudy Giuliani stuck his foot back in his mouth and was skewered and broiled by Keith Olbermann this evening:

Since some indeterminable hour between the final dousing of the pyre at The World Trade Center, and the breaking of what Senator Obama has aptly termed "9/11 Fever," it has been profoundly and disturbingly evident that we are at the center of one of history's great ironies.

Only in this America of the early 21st Century could it be true, that the man who was president during the worst attack on our nation, and the man who was the mayor of the city in which that attack principally unfolded, would not only be absolved of any and all blame for the unreadiness of their own governments, but, more over, would thereafter be branded heroes of those attacks.

And now, that Mayor - whose most profound municipal act in the wake of that nightmare was to suggest the postponement of the election to select his own successor - has gone even a step beyond these M.C. Escher constructions of history.

"If any Republican is elected president - and I think obviously I would be best at this - we will remain on offense and will anticipate what (the terrorists) will do and try to stop them before they do it. "

Insisting that the election of any Democrat would mean the country was "back… on defense," Mr. Giuliani continued:
"But the question is how long will it take and how many casualties will we have. If we are on defense, we will have more losses and it will go on longer."

He said this with no sense of irony, no sense of any personal shortcomings, no sense whatsoever.

And if you somehow missed what he was really saying, somehow didn't hear the none-too-subtle subtext of 'vote Democratic and die,' Mr. Giuliani then stripped away any barrier of courtesy, telling Roger Simon of Politico.Com, quote…

"America will be safer with a Republican president."

Thus proving once again that the terrorists have won - the Republicans handed them the battle on a silver platter.

This is nothing less than fascism: stir up fear, take away civil liberties, acclaim a dictator. Go read a history of the Third Reich, then look very closely at the past twenty years in the United States.

Anyway, Olbermann says it better than I do:

This is not the mere politicizing of Iraq, nor the vague mumbled epithets about Democratic 'softness' from a delusional Vice President.

This is casualties on a partisan basis — of the naked assertion that Mr. Giuliani's party knows all and will save those who have voted for it — and to hell with everybody else.

And that he, with no foreign policy experience whatsoever, is somehow the Messiah-of-the-moment.

Even to grant that that formula - whether posed by Republican or Democrat - is somehow not the most base, the most indefensible, the most Un-American electioneering in our history - even if it is somehow acceptable to assign "casualties" to one party and 'safety' to the other - even if we have become so profane in our thinking that it is part of our political vocabulary to view counter-terror as one party's property and the other's liability… on what imaginary track record does Mr. Giuliani base his boast?

Which party held the presidency on September 11th, 2001, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party held the mayoralty of New York on that date, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party assured New Yorkers that the air was safe, and the remains of the dead, recovered - and not being used to fill pot-holes, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party wanted what the terrorists wanted - the postponement elections - and to whose personal advantage would that have redounded, Mr. Giuliani?

Which mayor of New York was elected eight months after the first attack on the World Trade Center, yet did not emphasize counter-terror in the same city for the next eight years, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party had proposed to turn over the Department of Homeland Security to Bernard Kerik, Mr. Giuliani?

Who wanted to ignore and hide Kerik's Organized Crime allegations, Mr. Giuliani?

Who personally argued to the White House that Kerik need not be vetted, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party rode roughshod over Americans' rights while braying that it was actually protecting them, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party took this country into the most utterly backwards, utterly counter-productive, utterly ruinous war in our history, Mr. Giuliani?

Which party has been in office as more Americans were killed in the pointless fields of Iraq, than were killed in the consuming nightmare of 9/11, Mr. Giuliani?

Drop this argument, sir. You will lose it.

It's not too late, but this country is at a tipping point. The past election cycle gives me hope that we are headed back towards freedom, but it's the 2008 elections that will decide it.

We — Democrats and Republicans alike, and every variation in between — We — Americans! — are sick to death, of you and the other terror-mongers, trying to frighten us into submission, into the surrender of our rights and our reason, into this betrayal of that for which this country has always stood.

Franklin Roosevelt's words ring true again tonight.

And, clarified and amplified, they are just as current now, as they were when first he spoke them, 74 years ago.

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself" — and those who would exploit our fear, for power, and for their own personal, selfish, cynical, gain.

Good night, and good luck.

Full Transcripts:
MSNBC
Crooks and Liars (easier to read)

A War Czar!???

2007-04-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

George Bush wants to appoint a "czar" for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and presumably the Iran war he's jonesing for. He's getting no takers:

The White House wants to appoint a high-powered czar to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan with authority to issue directions to the Pentagon, the State Department and other agencies, but it has had trouble finding anyone able and willing to take the job, according to people close to the situation.

At least three retired four-star generals approached by the White House in recent weeks have declined to be considered for the position, the sources said, underscoring the administration's difficulty in enlisting its top recruits to join the team after five years of warfare that have taxed the United States and its military.
- Washington Post

Why the hell do we need a War Czar? We already have a Commander-in-Chief:

The US Constitution, Article II, Section 2:
The President shall be commander in chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the militia of the several states, when called into the actual service of the United States...

I mean, we do still have a Commander-in-Chief, don't we?

Quote of the Day

2007-03-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

"Are all his pictures about Hazards to Navigation?" asked Enoch Root.
"Have you ever seen a nautical picture that wasn't?" Jack demanded.

- Neil Stephenson, The Confusion

How hard can it be to steal a train?

2007-01-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

Well, you need some training...

A couple of teenagers in Ohio stole a train for a little joy ride Tuesday night.

Holy Smokes! It's, um, not late October anymore!!

2006-12-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted here since October, not so much for a lack of anything to snark about - can you say "target-rich environment" - as I've been busy and sick and busy and busy and broke and somewhat-unexpectedly busy and broke all at once and now it's the holidays...

And now I see they're Google-izing the place. Could be fun; could be a nightmare.

At the Dubya Presidential library...

2006-12-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

...(if anybody outside of Branson, Missouri acually wants the damm thing)...

...will they provide the crayons or should we bring our own?

...will they need more than one bookcase?

...will they have 3000 toy soldiers all busted up into little pieces in a box labelled "Iraq"?

Message from Eli

2006-10-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Chris and I are so proud of daughter Eli, and here's a little part of why:

The US has the highest GDP in the world. So why is it dead last in the ranking for donors of official development assistance to developing states? We're talking last behind: Italy, Austria, Japan, Greece, Portugal, the list goes on... 16 more slots till you hit #1, Norway, which gives .92%. Good on 'em. Most Americans absolutely believe we hand out 3-5 times as much aid as we do. In fact most Ameicans believe we are leading donors - we aren't, not even close. Check the accounting - oftentimes when officials claim they're increasing aid, it only makes up for a fraction of the aid they have previously cut (without publicising this). One shining example is Bush's Africa claims - he claims to have tripled aid to Africa. Yeah, after he cut it in half, and then pathetically failed, quietly, in the end. to actually deliver even half of what he promised to deliver. (See Sachs, "The Development Challenge" in Foreign Affairs March/April 2005, for further info on this).

In the worlds of Jayne, "half of nothing, is, lemme see, nothing into nothing, carry the nothing, is... nothing."! I find this despicable - and what is more, though we didn't know, I didn't know, they never let us know - I think it's time we did know, and time we stop letting it happen. It's morally wrong.

Why, despite promising first in the '70s and subsequently over and over again has the US failed to budge an inch toward meeting the UN target development assistance goals of 0.7% of GNI - hovering currently around 0.15% (In fact we've slipped backwards over the years)? Sachs has a bunch of diplomatic and logical fancy pants reasons why - but it boils down to this: we're a bunch of complacent greedy bastards, and we need to do better.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but our aid has resulted in less than 6 cents per African - 6 cents is diddly, we can do better. So I'm doing better, because I can.

For Yule, she's donating goats to Africa in our name. That's great with us.

Your Arizona Proposition Cheat Sheet, 2006

2006-10-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

Here's how I'm voting on the Arizona ballot propositions this year and why:

Prop	Topic	Vote	Why
101	Bailable Offences	No	Bail is good
101	Tax Limits	No	Unnecessary; bad law
102	Punitive Damages	No	Unjust
103	Official English	No	Unnecessary; bigoted
104	Bond Usage	Yes	Makes sense
105	Trust Lands I	No	106 is better
106	Trust Lands II	Yes	Better deal
107	Gay Marriage	No	Unnecessary; bigoted
200	Voter Lotto	No	Insulting; stupid
201	Smoking I	Yes	Best of the two propositions
202	Min Wage	Yes	Good policy
203	Childrens Programs	Yes	however, it's not real good law
204	Farm Animal	No	Butt out, PETA
205	Vote by Mail	Yes	Works in other states
206	Smoking II	No	Prop 201 is better
207	Property	No	Bad law; costly.
300	Public Prog. Elig.	No	Bad law; costly
301	Meth	No	Bad law
302	Leg. Salary	Yes	Inexpensive

Your mileage may vary. No comments on this post, please.
Post your own if you like and GO VOTE.

ATTENTION MILITARY PERSONNEL

2006-10-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION US MILITARY PERSONNEL

Posted by Jim Macdonald at Making Light.

You are not required to obey an unlawful order.

You are required to disobey an unlawful order.

You swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

The Constitution states (Article VI):

This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding.

Here is article 3, the common article, to the Geneva Conventions, a duly ratified treaty made under the authority of the United States:

Article 3

In the case of armed conflict not of an international character occurring in the territory of one of the High Contracting Parties, each party to the conflict shall be bound to apply, as a minimum, the following provisions:

1. Persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention, or any other cause, shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race, colour, religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria.

To this end the following acts are and shall remain prohibited at any time and in any place whatsoever with respect to the above-mentioned persons:

(a) Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;

(b) Taking of hostages;

(c) Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment;

(d) The passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples.

2. The wounded and sick shall be collected and cared for.

An impartial humanitarian body, such as the International Committee of the Red Cross, may offer its services to the Parties to the conflict.

The Parties to the conflict should further endeavour to bring into force, by means of special agreements, all or part of the other provisions of the present Convention.

The application of the preceding provisions shall not affect the legal status of the Parties to the conflict.

Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions is straightforward and clear. Under Article VI of the Constitution, it forms part of the supreme law of the land.

You personally will be held responsible for all of your actions, in all countries, at all times and places, for the rest of your life. “I was only following orders” is not a defense.

What all this is leading to:

If you are ordered to violate Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions, it is your duty to disobey that order. No “clarification,” whether passed by Congress or signed by the president, relieves you of that duty.

If you are ordered to violate Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions, this is what to do:

1. Request that your superior put the order in writing.

2. If your superior puts the order in writing, inform your superior that you intend to disobey that order.

3. Request trial by courtmartial.

You will almost certainly face disciplinary action, harassment of various kinds, loss of pay, loss of liberty, discomfort and indignity. America relies on you and your courage to face those challenges.

We, the people, need you to support and defend the Constitution. I am certain that your honor and patriotism are equal to the task.

This post may be quoted in full. A linkback would be appreciated.

The Onion:America's Finest News Source

2006-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Due to the requirement of actually, I dunno, earning a living, I don't read as much as I'd like to these days. So I tend to forget - forget, I say - the existence of such vital communications media as The Onion. Especially with gems like this.

Fortunately, I still read BoingBoing and they seem to read everything.

See, you can get good help.

A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

2006-09-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

Read the rest

- from kip_w's LiveJournal. Okay; I missed the linkage. He got it at the Sideshow. Avedon got it from Suburban Guerillas. I sit corrected; I better go take a walk.

Susie at SG calls it an oldie but a goodie (it was written before 1989, when the FSLIC was merged with FDIC), but, hey, so is 1984, copyright 1949.

It appears to be some sort of illusion, Captain.

2006-08-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

So we're watching a new favorite show of ours, Psych! (Fridays right after Monk on USA. We TiVo, (and I Xerox on Canon machines all the time; I know about trademarks, but TiVo is much easier to say than Personal Video Recorder(1), so just chill) so we just watched it last night. Last night's show took place around a comic-book/sf con, and had George Takei, playing "George Takei".

The character name is in quotes for a reason. George Takei is a sweetheart. I'm a Trekkie and I've met him. Chris is a bigger Trekkie than I am - those who know me well are convinced this is impossible until they meet her. She's met George Takei more than I have. So we both know that the "George" they had on Psych was not the real nice guy who has been at so many real conventions. This "George Takei" was a psych-out. A joke. Chris thought he was doing his Shatner impression. We had a ball.

I know that right now there are angry letters and e-mails on the way to USA Networks and the producers of Psych, railing at them for impugning George Takei. This post isn't one of them. We get the joke. George gets hired for a gig, flown to Vancouver - that's right, kids, Vancouver - and does a day or two shooting. He gets paid; he goes home. He's a pro; the part reads like a bad prima donna, so that's how he plays it.

But seriously guys. We get the joke.

(1) And do NOT get me going about acetylsalicylic acid, which we all know by its former trademark...

If you like good television...

2006-08-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

May I recommend the upcoming Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip?

Mondays starting Sept. 18 on NBC; if you have Netflix, you can get the pilot now on DVD, as we did.

The show is from the original West Wing team of Aaron Sorkin and Thomas Schlamme. Here's the setup: A writing/directing team (Bradley Whitford and Matthew Perry) are brought back to save a Saturday-Night-Live-like show - four years after they were fired from that same show. The chairman of the network, who fired them before, still hates them, but he's setting up the new head of programming to fail. It's much better than I describe it here, including Judd Hirsch in a meltdown right out of Network, and a nice cameo by Ed Asner.

One minor difficulty with the DVD: Chris and I are both somewhat dependent on closed-captioning, and this preview DVD isn't captioned.

Humans Outclassed Again

2006-08-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

Whoever determined the side effects for the antibiotic Clavamox missed a major one: insanity.

Not from the stuff itself – I’d take it if it were prescribed for me. No, I refer to exhibit A:

This is Hermione, our youngest cat. We named her after the scary genius Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter novels, and she lives up to all of the expectations associated with such a name.

Hermione is the patient in question. Last week, while out performing Important Cat Business, she had some sort of accident and came home bloody. We took her to the vet and got her patched up, but somewhere in there she got a touch of pneumonia. That was another couple of days at the vets. She’s over it now, but is on antibiotics for the next week or so, and she doesn’t like them at all. Thus the insanity.

Hermione’s little – a bit over seven pounds. She’s a very smart cat. We humans in the house add up to over a quarter ton and have several college degrees and decades of working experience between us. We are so outclassed. Just tonight it took bribery, stealth and two people to give little miss H. her 1 cc of liquid antibiotic.

We have another week of this – maybe more; we’re supposed to use up all of the Clavamox. One cc at a time. Twice a day. Insanity, insanity, insanity.

Zero-G and I feel fine

2006-08-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well, not me personally, but when a friend gets to fly in zero-g it's cool. I pulled negative G's in a Cessna once - the flight instructor was showng off a bit during a lesson - and it might have been fun if I'd had more than a couple seconds' warning. Ah, well...

It's corn, Jim, but not as we know it

2006-07-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the upcoming 40th anniversary of Star Trek, farmer Tom Pearcy has created a 32 acre cornfield maze near York, England. Just off the motorway, too. Meanwhile, Paramount (which seems to be owned by CBS these days - look at the copyright notice on the next link) is auctioning off a lot of original Star Trek stuff. Here's the online catalog.

Mad Scientists In the (Purple) Spotlight

2006-07-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

In which a non-mad scientist gets mad at photographers who bring in the blinkenlights and shinies to liven up their photos:

I know that you see this as a deficiency, but scientists do not work with purple radiance coming from the walls behind them. Not if we can help it, we don't, and if we notice that sort of thing going on, we head for the exits. In the same manner, our instruments do not, regrettably, emit orange glows that light our faces up from beneath, not for the most part, and if they start doing that we generally don't bend closer so as to emphasize the thoughtful contours of our faces. When we hold up Erlenmeyer flasks to eye level to see the future of research in them, which we try not to do too often because we usually don't want to know, rarely is this
accompanied by an eerie red light coming from the general direction of our pockets. It's a bad sign when that happens, actually.

But that's how it is. And when you get right down to it, you're actually doing us a disservice by trying to pretend that there's all sorts of dramatic stuff going on, that discoveries are happening every single minute of the day and that they're accompanied by dawn-of-a-new-era lighting and sound effects. We'd rather
that people didn't get those ideas, because the really big discoveries aren't like that at all. It doesn't make for much of a cover shot, but if one of us ever does manage to change the world, it'll start with a puzzled glance at a computer screen, or a raised eyebrow while looking at a piece of paper. Instead of getting noisier, everything will get a lot quieter. And if there are any purple spotlights to
be seen, we won't even notice them.

Read the whole thing here. Don't miss the comments and the follow-up article.

Oh, and by the way, Corante is a great site and well worth the reading even when it'd not about, er, mad scientists.

Captain Jack Was A Snoozer, I'm Sorry To Say

2006-07-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

Being a not entirely spoiler-free review: ye be warned.

So: our favorite Carribbean trio are all in a $2.99 barrel o'pickles:
Jack Sparrow, out on the Black Pearl, is dottier than ever, driven to distraction by a debt he Really Doesn't want to repay. Meanwhile, back in good old Port Royal, the new East India Company factotum wants power, more power - and he's using Will Turner and threatening Eliza Swann in order to get it.

This is the opening of Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man's Chest. It's a slightly more complex story than the first one, and that's okay. But more complex isn't necessarily better. And it's rather less funny than before. And somewhat less fun, in spite (or because?) of the fact that most of the characters have returned. The new villains are almost unrelieving in their menace. Nobody seems to have much fun for large swashes of this movie. At least Barbossa was witty and charming in the first one.

There were lots of things to enjoy: the use of the East India Company - the Wal-Mart of the 1700's - to produce a power-hungry villain, a returning character's fall from grace, some fine set-piece swordfights. Elizabeth Swann gets herself into position to kick some butt, and it's clear she and Will Turner have been practicing with those swords he makes. Tortuga seems to have had a population explosion: there's so much action per square inch in the scenes there that lovers of stuntwork may well wear out their DVD players next year trying to catalog it all. The superatural takes on a much more visible role this time around, as the filmmakers strive to outdo their work from last time. And the actors playing the newer characters did their best to stand up to Johnny Depp, who still entertains as Captain Jack Sparrow in the fewer opportunities he gets to just talk to another character.

Still, I would have enjoyed a quieter, slightly less spectacular piece, with better character development. The inevitable cliffhanger ending (surely you saw this coming: I know I did) means that this is really the first part of a five-hour story, and in five hours, there's plenty of time for heart along with the monsters.

So, tell 'em, young Ladies, go and tell 'em for me,
Next time try to have some more fun on the sea.

I'll give it three doubloons out of five.

The Great Bentonville Arkansas Money-Sucking Pig

2006-06-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Excellent review in the London Journal of Books of The Wal-Mart Effect: How an Out-of-Town Superstore Became a Superpower by Charles Fishman.

Charles Fishman, in his punchy and valuable book The Wal-Mart Effect, cites the example of Vlasic pickles, the most popular brand in the US. Wal-Mart talked Vlasic into pricing the pickles so that a gallon jar was on sale for $2.97. That is a bizarre, surreal price for a gallon of pickled cucumbers; no one had ever seen such a jar outside a deli, and no one had any real use for it, since even if you’re a pickleholic you’ll only manage to eat about a quarter of a gallon before the remaining pickles go mouldy. It had never occurred to anybody that there was such a thing as a market for a gallon jar of pickles. Even so, priced at $2.97, there was something so magnetising about this Brobdignagian vat of pickles – something so alluring about the way it embodied the Platonic ideal of cheapness, in and for itself – that Wal-Mart was soon selling 200,000 gallons of pickles a week. The ‘scary part of the Vlasic story’, as Fishman points out, is that:
The market didn’t create the $2.97 gallon of pickles, nor did waning customer demand or a wild abundance of cucumbers. Wal-Mart created the $2.97 gallon jar of pickles. The price – a number that is a critical piece of information to buyers, sellers and competitors about the state of the pickle market – the price was a lie. It was unrelated to either the supply of cucumbers or the demand for pickles. The price was a fiction imposed on the pickle market in Bentonville. Consumers saw a bargain; Vlasic saw no way out. Both were responding not to real market forces, but to a pickle price gimmick imposed by Wal-Mart as a way of making a statement.

I've quit shopping at Wal-Mart. The review tells you why in much better terms than I can.

Where the heck is Fafnir?

2006-05-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

While I'm hardly qualified to criticize - look at my own spotty posting history - I can be concerned, and neither Fafnir nor Giblets nor even the Lobster have posted at FafBlog since April 4. This is alarming, since according to experts both at FafBlog and at Making Light, FafBlog is the best blog:

"This is a good blog. This is the best blog. It is about god and the universe and those horrible screaming monkeys and that time I made a pizza out of an old tire and a can of whip cream. It is the Fafblog."

- Fafnir on Fafblog

I would post something there to express my concern: after all, I was Fafnir all along; we all were, of course:

I'm Fafnir! Are you Fafnir? No? Look closer. There! You were Fafnir all along.

but I lack the necessary passwords, connection info, mojo, etc.

So on behalf of a FafBlog-free world: Whassup?

Absolute Write is Down (for now)

2006-05-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

Absolute Write (mentioned below) was taken down by their hosting services last night on an hour's notice due to intimidation from Barbara Bauer, whom you will notice on the list below.

They are deep in damage control now, looking for a new host.

In the meantime: the twenty worst agents list lives on here and, of course, here, quoted from Writer Beware:

Below is a list of the 20 agents about which Writer Beware has received the greatest number of advisories/complaints during the past several years.
None of these agents has a significant track record of sales to commercial (advance-paying) publishers, and most have virtually no documented and verified sales at all (many sales claimed by these agents turn out to be vanity publishers). All charge clients before a sale is made, whether directly, by charging fees such as reading or administrative fees, or indirectly, for “editing services.”

Writer Beware suggests that writers searching for agents avoid questionable agents, and instead query agents who have actual track records of sales to commercial publishing houses.

THE LIST:

* The Abacus Group Literary Agency
* Allred and Allred Literary Agents (refers clients to “book doctor” Victor West of Pacific Literary Services)
* Capital Literary Agency (formerly American Literary Agents of Washington, Inc.)
* Barbara Bauer Literary Agency
* Benedict & Associates (also d/b/a B.A. Literary Agency)
* Sherwood Broome, Inc.
* Desert Rose Literary Agency
* Arthur Fleming Associates
* Finesse Literary Agency (Karen Carr)
* Brock Gannon Literary Agency
* Harris Literary Agency
* The Literary Agency Group, which includes the following:
Children’s Literary Agency
Christian Literary Agency
New York Literary Agency
Poets Literary Agency
The Screenplay Agency
Stylus Literary Agency (formerly ST Literary Agency)
Writers Literary & Publishing Services Company (the editing arm of the above-mentioned agencies)
* Martin-McLean Literary Associates
* Mocknick Productions Literary Agency, Inc.
* B.K. Nelson, Inc.
* The Robins Agency (Cris Robins)
* Michele Rooney Literary Agency (also d/b/a Creative Literary Agency and Simply Nonfiction)
* Southeast Literary Agency
* Mark Sullivan Associates
* West Coast Literary Associates (also d/b/a California Literary Services)

Remember: in the publishing industry, money flows towards the writer. If you're spending money for anything other than postage to submit your writing, be careful.

West Wing RIP

2006-05-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

My growing immersion in an alternate universe isn't particularly unusual. After all, I am a fan. The problem is not unusual either. My favorite science fiction show of all time has been canceled. I feel very vulnerable and fragile and I am having a difficult time transitioning back to the real world, which is a miserable substitute for the wonderful alternate universe that soothes, reassures and uplifts.

In my alternate universe, the United States of America is run by people who share my values. They aren't perfect, indeed as a group they are flawed and human, but they are also heroic and loyal. They are witty and their conversations are literate, skewed to the left, and their compassion for the little guy is woven into every word they utter. In my alternate universe, the President of the United States can use the word nuclear without making me ashamed. He agonizes over policy that goes against his religious beliefs but would never force those beliefs down the throats of others. In this wonderful universe the president is surrounded by people who worry about the quality of our schools and the environment. They have fought to improve healthcare and raise the standard of living for every American. They don't serve the interests of big business or betray the trust of the people who put them in office. They haven't pissed off overy other country on the planet and I am not ashamed to have them represent me or speak on my behalf to the rest of the world. When I think of them my heart swells with pride. In my universe when the president disagrees with the almighty he takes him to task in Latin. The president of the real United States hasn't even mastered English. This TV show bears only a glancing resemblance to reality and is obviously science fiction, or fantasy and it has sadly come to an end.

Josiah Bartlet is a fictional character and West Wing has been canceled. Those are the cold hard facts. I've got to face the reality of what is really going on as opposed to what should be going on. I will. It will be harsh and painful and difficult, but maybe there are others out there who will also miss this alternate universe. Maybe someday enough of us will miss it enough that we will put somone in the White House we can be proud of, somone like Jed Bartlet, or Matt Santos, or even Arnold Vinick. God, what I would give for just one man or woman in the West Wing who I thought would lose a little sleep over the cares of this country. I'm not holding my breath, though. I guess when reality intrudes too much I can always pull out the DVDs. Real life kinda sucks.

Da Vinci Code Secrets Revealed!!!

2006-05-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

For those of you wondering "What the hell was going on with Tom Hanks' hair at the Oscars?", well, the secret's out today at your local multiplex.

Scott Kurtz explains why the Church is freaking out in this PVP strip.

Also, a certain Mr. Ebert from Chicago enjoyed the ride without taking any of it seriously:

I know there are people who believe Brown's fantasies about the Holy Grail, the descendants of Jesus, the Knights Templar, Opus Dei and the true story of Mary Magdalene. This has the advantage of distracting them from the theory that the Pentagon was not hit by an airplane.

Me, I just want to eat popcorn in a dark air-conditioned room till I bloat. This could be a reasonable excuse.

12 Steps for a Better America

2006-05-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

And also a better world.

Proposed 12-step plan for the United States and its Power Addiction. Before beginning, we must understand that the addiction to power is an illness, not merely a bad habit or a set of maladaptive behaviors. Seen this way, illegal invasions, secret overseas prisons, bullying treaties which work against the interests of our allies, runaway arms trading, and all the other dangerous acts which our country does every day are understandable as symptoms and signs of that illness.

Read.

- via a comment at Making Light

As you know, Bob...

2006-05-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

Some commentary on exposition in fiction. They call them "infodumps" here, which as you might know, are long expository lump paragraphs in fiction. As an author, your job is to give the reader all the information necessary, and keep their interest. This post at More Like This (one of my regular reads) had the following delightful quote from this thread at Lorem Ipsum:

As you know, Jed, David Marusek's novel Counting Heads is an astonishing collection of magnificent infodumps. I don't know if he deliberately did it as a textbook, but I lost track of the number of ways in which a Bob was created who needed to be told, for one reason or another, the background information. There’s the elderly guy whose memory is going. There’s the increasing reliance on subvocal conversations with mentars or whatever they’re called, sentient computers that provide elaborate logistical assistance and exposition. There’s the use of proxies and sims, that allow characters to interact and still have to have stuff explained to them later. There’s the training video. There’s the sales pitch. There’s the nostalgia effect. There’s the going-over-the-orders-to-make-sure-everybody-knows-them. There’s the prove-you-are-who-you-pretend-to-be. There’s the this-is-all-on-TV. If I’m remembering correctly, there’s even the interpolated news story. It's marvelous, and terribly instructive.

And that was one of the comments. Go read the whole thing.

Soon...

2006-04-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Next Wednesday, the failed Bush Presidency counter hits 1000 days. Yay.

Public Service Announcement for Writers

2006-04-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

Absolute Write has published this year's 20 Worst Agents list.

None of these agents has a significant track record of sales to commercial (advance-paying) publishers, and most have virtually no documented and verified sales at all (many sales claimed by these agents turn out to be vanity publishers). All charge clients before a sale is made, whether directly, by charging fees such as reading or administrative fees, or indirectly, for "editing services."

Just remember, if you write a book that you want to see in the bookstores:
in modern, legitimate publishing money should always flow toward you, the writer.

If anything in getting a book published costs you more than it takes to submit your work, you're being scammed.

Paging Wallace and Gromit

2006-04-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

From the Times Online.UK:

No carrot is safe as monster rabbit goes on rampage

When rumours began to spread about a monstrous rabbit stalking a Northumberland village, some locals unwisely dismissed it as an April Fool’s prank.

Or maybe it wasn't:

At the Northumberland Arms, hunched villagers whisper of the giant, ravenous rabbit prowling the community at night. No one, it seems, can catch it, and no home-grown vegetable is safe.

The creature leaves behind huge footprints, has diabolically shaped ears and is proving the biggest threat to cabbages in the history of the local allotment. So strong that it is able to pull leeks and turnips fully out of the soil, the black-and-brown rabbit has already demolished a market stall’s worth of Japanese onions, parsnips and spring carrots.

Full story here.

- Link via dangerousmeta

Computerized piano torture

2006-04-05T16:29:00.000-07:00

At the cube across from mine, a delightful little loop of music is playing overandoverandover again.
The person is at a meeting; and the computer is locked.
A delightful little loop of music is playing overandoverandover again.
A delightful little loop of music is playing overandoverandover again.
A delightful little loop of music is playing overandoverandover again.
A delightful little loop of music is playing overandoverandover again.

It was cute the first two hundred times but it's getting old...

April

2006-04-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

The New Zealand invasion has left for Europe. Blogging should resume soon.

Headline of the Week

2006-03-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

Flying Cow Leaves Two Police Cars in Flames

We don't make this stuff up, folks. We can't possibly even come close.

In Which Mr Connors Plays the Curmudgeon.

2006-03-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

That I am wearing green today of all days means I need to do laundry.

I hardly drink at all and I don't really understand loud noisy drunken parties. Tried them, they're not for me. That's part of what makes me unique, and yes, I'm aware that it borders on Aspergers. So be it. I earn a good living and am content.

The only time I've been in a bar on St Paddy's day I was paid to be there as part of the band.

That we celebrate the Irish at all is to my way of thinking, a good thing. But I don't approve of the way we in America do it.

As I say to any who'll hear: With a name like Paddy O'Connor, I hardly have to wear green to prove I'm Irish, now do I?

Y'all have fun. I'll be over here in the corner.

Of Vital Importance to Western Civilization

2006-03-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

Monty Python now have an on-line silly walks generator. Amuse your friends, abuse your corporate bandwidth, have fun.

Has Your Planet Been Destroyed?

2006-03-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

And hard on the, er, hooves of that last, we have the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board.

The International Earth Destruction Advisory Board (IEDAB) is an independent scientific institution which monitors the current status of the Earth and the number of times it has been destroyed. In the event of the Earth being destroyed it will be the IEDAB's job to relay this information to people who need to know and provide advice on how to proceed.

It's great to know that somebody's on the job. Very complete. There are sections on how to destroy the Earth, fictional destruction of the Earth (which doesn't count), and my favorite section:

Why destroy the Earth?

If you've decided to have the Earth destroyed, then you clearly already have your motive and don't need my advice. But if, for whatever reason, you're seeking to get inside the mind of the planet-killer, then read on.

Why destroy the Earth? Why, you maniac, WHY?

1. Because it is there

A response first given by George Mallory after being relentlessly questioned as to why he desired to become the first man to climb to the highest point on Earth, the peak of Mount Everest. It did for him and it can do for you. Who needs a reason? The doing of the thing is its own reward.

2. To further science

You'll be employing the scientific principles of [whatever method you use] on a greater scale than ever before. You'll have recording devices observing the event from all angles and on all wavelengths. The telemetry taken from the destruction of the Earth will reveal more about the universe, and science, and the Earth itself than anybody can possibly imagine! Isn't that worth it?

3. Special effects no longer satisfy me

One can't argue with the fact that the total annihilation of an object of the Earth's size is going to be pretty spectacular however it happens. If you are the kind of person who likes explosions and implosions and other destructive events, then this is going to be the biggest you're likely to experience in a lifetime.

That's my favorite. And there's much, much more.

- via Making Light

Bovine Alien Abductions

2006-03-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

I just want to go on record about the cow alien abduction situation. First of all, I am not actually a cow myself, I merely perform as one on a filk album. Having made that clear, and after reassuring my worried spouse, I would like to suggest that perhaps these disappearances are not alien abductions.

I worked for several years at a not for profit senior retirement community that was staffed mostly by Evangelical Christians who thought Casper the Friendly Ghost was good buddies with Satan and that they, being good Christians would someday soon Rapture. Rapture, I was told, was based on biblical texts from Revelations and it involves True Believers just vanishing off the face of the Earth just before Armageddon. This would leave the nonbelievers fighting over the abandoned cars, homes and luxury items left behind.

I've been waiting patiently for this to happen and until today, thought they were just full of it, you know. But what if God, in his infinite wisdom, has decided that the Rapture should start with cows? I mean, it does make a certain kind of sense. If I were God I would start with cows just to get the kinks worked out. Cause once you've Raptured a couple dozen cows, then a human, even a Sumo wrestler should be a cakewalk, right? Now, all the cows of my acquaintance happen to be pagan, Baha'i or just highly spiritual, but there must be Evangelical Christian cows somewhere out there. After all, it is not merely a coincidence that there are a high concentration of cows in the bible belt. Christans are supposed to witness, right? To convert the unfaithful or merely misguided. Is it so hard to believe that in their zeal, they maybe have converted the odd bovine or two? Most modern barns have radios. Well, maybe those milkcows have been treated to the silver tongued persuasions of talk radio hosts and have become born again! So this could be it folks, the beginning of the end. First a few cows, tomorrow Pat Robertson and Billy Graham. By Friday it could just us heathens left.

Party, my place, bring a suitable animal sacrifice, clothing optional.

It makes sense, and I'm shocked that no one else has made the obvious connection. Just remember, once we are all driving a Lexus or a BMW it won't be nearly as big a status symbol. Just saying.

Quote of the day, technical division

2006-03-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

Robert Anderson:

To this end, I want to introduce the HyperText Snarkup Language (HTSL) which will initially be described as simply an extension of XHTML with a namespace. This will allow publishers to have full control over their snark.

Read the whole thing.

Damn Aliens!

2006-03-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

We seem to have a serious problem. As the spouse of a Harmony Heifer, I'm somewhat alarmed.

Much Rejoicing In The Village!

2006-03-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

I got a call from New Zealand this evening where it is already tomorrow, which just blows my mind. I get time travel headaches easily. Can't watch The Terminator without taking prophylactic pain relievers. Anyway, Eli was calling to tell me that she and Frank are going to be here the 24th through the 31st! Whoo Hooo! It was going to be a surprise, and indeed, Patrick has known about it for a while because there was much sneakiness going on, but Eli and Patrick wisely decided to spill the beans early. Anyway, we are very excited, and Patrick is relieved that he doesn't have to keep a secret any more. I find it odd that the child who got on my nerves on a regular basis when she lived in Tempe has become very beloved and missed now that she lives in Middle Earth. She's been gone 15 months, and because she is a Rennie, we of course will spend their only weekend in the US at the Faire. Frank, bless him is a fan, so it won't take him long to adapt to faire mode. My daughter's fella fits right in with the family. Festival Festival Festival!!!

Introducing the little lady

2006-03-06T20:15:00.000-07:00

I just added my wife Chis Dickenson to the Village - she's the more talkative of the two of us. Should be interesting.

I've got this novel, see...

2006-02-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

Anna Genoese, an editor at Tor, describes how to pitch your novel.

Dear God, the Horror!

2006-02-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

Live Journal appears to be down at the moment.

Remain calm.

Thank you.

Update: corporate irewall.
Yes, that's a typo, but a cool one.

A Modest Proposal

2006-02-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

Let's require that all members of the House of Representatives remain in their district at all times during their terms.

With modern communications capability, there is no need at all for them to be in Washington DC full-time. This makes in-person lobbying that much harder.

Discuss.

Gun control, or lack thereof

2006-02-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

Our distingushed Vice President, Mr Cheney, accidentally shot his hunting partner over the weekend. Partner will recover. I'm pointing to the boingboing post on the topic, because it has the best reader comments, including:

The important questions raised by this hunting accident are:
1) *Are* lawyers in season right now?
2) Was the lawyer at least a 4-point?
3) Was Cheney within his permit limit?

This message brought to you by Surrealists for a More Entertaining Government.

It's sort of like the middle of nowhere.

2006-02-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

You are one link away from the end of the Internet.

They Write the Right Stuff

2006-02-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about the Space Shuttle, it was never brought down by a software failure.

This Fast Company article, which I linked to long ago in the now-defunct Alien Wine Connoisseur*, explains the whys and wherefores.

Thanks to Dan Sanderson at BrainLog for digging up the link.

* Alien Wine Connoisseur was a weblog I ran intermittently from 1999 - 2004. In June 2004, the hosting company I used went out of business, and in the great confusion of having to move custom software to new hosts, I lost that blog and another. Perhaps they're on the Wayback Machine; they're not in Google cache.

Literary speculation

2006-02-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

From Tom Tuerff:

TEN UNLIKELY TITLES FOR THE LAST HARRY POTTER BOOK

Place your bets.

It's like graffiti, sort of.

2006-02-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

Julian Beever is a well-known UK sidewalk artist, who does these amazing drawings. They're 3-D if you view them from just the right spot. Like this one:

(amazing, though I am a Pepsi drinker.)

And, given the mildly-snarky tone of the Village, how about this one:

Politicians Meeting Their End was commissioned
for the night of the 1997 General Election.

Expansionist Policy

2006-02-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

Gonna try something: If you want to join us here in the Village, cleverly encode your e-mail in a comment, and I'll send you a Blogger invitation. The world could be ours!

Or I'll create fake accounts for the cats.

Pro football? No football!

2006-02-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to say that we here at the Village have broken the law and ignored the Super Bowl. However, we did have a lovely, quiet dinner, a nice little visit to the Napoleonic Wars (Master and Commander), and we've picked out our new patio furniture. Traffic was light. I think we'll make a party of it next year.

Annoying the Cats for Better Breathing

2006-01-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

Learning Digieridoo May Help With Snoring

As I have sleep apnea, and I think the dig' is cool, this is interesting me. This falls squarely into the "or I could go to New Zealand*" category, true, but a truly ugly digiridoo can be made for a few bucks. Lessons would be the hard part. I know a local dig' player; I wonder if he's still local, and does he teach? Must ponder.

*We currently have family in Wellington, so we're saving up for a trip. This causes a behavior pattern: We consider buying something, then put it back on the shelf as we say "Or we could go to New Zealand". Very therapeutic.

Mr Connors' Latest Obsession

2006-01-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

I am a serial hobbyist; traipsing from one interest to the next as the mood and brain chemistry take me.

Fortunately, I have a finite set of interests, so I keep looping around from music to graphics to the SCA to kayaking and back to music and so forth. So I have started yet another blog to keep track of it all:

Mr Connors' Latest Obsession also contains an archive of this very site. It and the archive will move over to patrickconnors.com soon; details when that occurs.

Three More Years! Or less, maybe...

2006-01-20T11:34:00.000-07:00

1096 days left and counting. Maybe less, if we elect the right sort of Congress this fall.

Not that I'm crossing my fingers. The sad fact is that my Congressional district will likely remain conservative Republican. I ought to go cast my vote in a close race somewhere; logistics will likely make that impossible, but it is tempting.

Run, Cow! Mooove it! Run!

2006-01-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

Or: Sane Cow Disease

Up in Great Falls, Montana, a cow escaped from the slaughterhouse line last Thursday and evaded authorities for three hours:

As police scrambled to head off the cow on the west side of the river, a veterinarian rushed to the scene to administer tranquilizers.
Reaching the shore, the heifer ran across Bay Drive to the railroad tracks.
She turned north and followed the tracks for a while, eventually becoming cornered at a chain link fence near Central Ave. and Interstate 15.
Breathing heavily and foaming at the mouth, the animal juked an approaching animal control officer and, like a skilled running back, turned on the speed and ran through the perimeter set up by officials.

Now it looks like she'll be spared:

A spirited cow that jumped a slaughterhouse gate and evaded capture for six hours has drawn clemency pleas and may not be doomed after all.

Appeals to spare the life of the 1,200-pound heifer came from across the nation after she fled Mickey's Packing Plant on Thursday. She had several near-death experiences before walking into a makeshift pen and then a stock trailer.

She was nearly struck by road and rail traffic, she almost drowned while crossing the Missouri River and she refused to be subdued by three tranquilizer darts.

Stories here and here.

Mirabilis! Wonderful! Astonishing! Back!

2006-01-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've linked to Mirabilis for a long time, but now it's roused from slumber, and nicely redesigned as well. If you subscribe to Smithsonian or NationalGeographic, Mirablis is your kind of blog.

Welcome back, Christine!

Pop Culture Artifacts

2006-01-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

Do we need another site full of pop culture artifacts?

Do we need another site?

Neil Gaiman advises that the Fabulist is back, shinier than ever. Go look around, then decide for yourself.

In Between...

2006-01-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

Between Doing Things, there was Not Doing Things, between bouts of Health there were knock-down fights with Illness, and between Holidays there were endless nanoseconds of the Day Job, which were themselves between microscopic eons of Commute. Also a trip to the Edge of the World.

And so, while I have indeed been snarky, between all of that and the occasional (well, all right: daily) Lunch, there was No Holiday Cheer here at the Village. Yet still we live. There could even be flaming torches.

Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown.

2005-12-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

Forty years ago tonight, my favorite Christmas special first aired. Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

It really was a good little Christmas tree.

Vinland Ho!

2005-11-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

God, I love Fafblog!

I thought I was gettin on the inbound blue line this mornin but I musta got the schedule mixed up or the routes confused cause this looks less like your conventional subway car an more like a Viking longship carryin a crew of eighty heavily-armed Norsemen. "Excuse me do you know the way to Downtown Crossing," says me. The Vikings don't answer, they're too busy sackin the coast a France. I don't wanna seem like a freeloader so I pick up a helmet an a spear an pitch in. We spend mosta the day lootin towns an villages along the edge a the Frankish Empire but I still haven't figured out where this thing connects to the commuter rail. What a confusing system! Maybe I can get some directions after we finish burnin Paris.

I rigged a tuna-fish sandwich yesterday

2005-11-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago today, Calvin and Hobbes was first published:

Since Bill Watterson doesn't do interviews, NPR spoke to his editor.

Calvin himself, quite the educational slacker, would doubtless be amazed at the depth of his Wikipedia entry.

The Cult of the Public-Radio Cranberry

2005-11-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Every year since 1971, NPR's Susan Stamberg has managed to sneak her mother's cranberry-relish recipe on the air just in time for Thanksgiving.

Well, perhaps sneak isn't quite the word. It's been set to music. Sid Caesar has read it on the air. This year Martha Stewart got involved. There's an archive of the recipe on the radio.

And of course, an illustrated, step-by-step fan site. Enjoy!

From the vault

2005-11-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

From 1995, recently resurfaced via BoingBoing:

If Dr Seuss Wrote Star Trek: TNG

Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data: Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!

Brilliant. Read the whole thing.

Then follow the link to the Dr Seuss Parody Page.

Zorro! Your wife called!

2005-10-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

Roger Ebert is disappointed with the new Zorro movie. However, it is a smashing good review. But then, any written piece that includes:

The circumstances under which Zorro and the villain fight a duel with polo mallets is unprecedented in the annals of chivalry

is a joy and a pleasure to read, even if the movie that it describes is not.

The review

All gullible half-wits glance aft NOW!

2005-10-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

Just back from a cruise, and in the midst of writing a little piece poking great fun at a really snobby cruise critic, and this bit of oceanic goodness comes up:

I've been reading Scott Lynch's LiveJournal for a while now. At first it was for the vivid descriptions of training to be a firefighter. As the pressure of graduating and getting a firefighting gig eased up, I learned the awful truth: he's a new novelist, and a damn good one as well.

He's got two books in the pipeline, and I simply must have them. This excerpt will explain why:

Zamira looked down in response to a sudden tug on her breeches and found Paolo clutching at her, unselfconsciously.

"Mommy, what's going on?"

Zamira smiled and swept him up off the deck, cradling him against the lapels of her jacket. She turned toward the stern of the Poison Orchid and let the following wind push her hair out of her face. The Dread Sovereign heaved and swayed beneath the hot cloudless sky, implacably clawing across the distance between them.

"Paolo, love, mommy needs you to go to her cabin and fetch her buckler and her sabers. Can you do that?"

The little boy nodded, and Zamira kissed him on the forehead, burying her nose in his tangle of short dark curls with her eyes closed.

"Oh, good," she said a moment later. "After that, I need you and your sister to hide yourselves in the rope locker on the middle deck, all right? Because mommy needs to go board that lying motherfucker's ship and burn it to the waterline."

Here are the two excerpts published since August: Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2

And now he's completely legitimate:

I received my very first batshit crank critic e-mail this morning! This is awesome. Some entity (I honestly don't know if this person is male or female, and I am leaving out the e-mail address and their pseudonymous handle) seems to have taken exception to the bits of Red Seas Under Red Skies I posted earlier. Weeks earlier, I should add. Why they suddenly care now is a mystery to me, but their bitching is something to be savored. Since this individual clearly reads my LJ (though perhaps not very well), I post their note and my response here.

Read the whole response here.

The first book, The Lies of Locke Lamora will be published June 27, 2006. I can't wait.

On Vacation

2005-10-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

See you sometime after October 25. Thanks.

You Can't Take the Sky From Me

2005-09-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

CulturePulp has a good interview with Joss Whedon.

Caution: Minor Serenity spoilers.

Friend with a Problem

2005-09-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Jon Carroll has this friend. The friend has a problem.

You may well be familiar with this problem.

This Just In

2005-09-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

Oldie, but still a goodie:

Society for Creative Anachronism Seizes Control Of Russia

(From the Onion back in 1999. This is a mirror.)

The SCA are experts in camping and having fun in moderately bad conditions. ("Your majesty, the port-a-potties all work, but it's too muddy to move the trebuchets." "Right, then. Get those crews to the shield-wall") They take care of their own in really bad situations. There are SCA-folk heading south even as I type this, to take care of their own.

In a Making Light comment, Avery says:

Unlike a church, though, we spend a lot of time out of doors setting up a goofy amount of necessities for an insane number of people as quickly as we can so we can go play. Most groups run an event once or twice a year that makes a wedding reception look trivial. Several weekends a year we do a corporate team buiding exercise in which screwing up is distinctly painful.

We call those "wars". Imagine a few thousand people descending on a big empty field on a Thursday. By Friday morning, there's a small town on that site, ready to party in grand style. By Monday noon, they're gone, and most of them (even the ones running the place) have had a pretty good time.

I haven't camped at an SCA event in a while, for reasons strictly my own. Like any group of over three human beings, there are politics, which can even be nasty. But on the whole, some of the greatest people I know play in the Society.

Reasons to Fear Canada

2005-09-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

For years now, I've been attributing things to those sneaky Canadians.

Like when a store I could swear was on the north side of the road is actually on the south side. Things like that. "Sneaky Canadian devils" I murmur silently.

I may have been on to something.

How to do the Haka

2005-08-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

I now have family in Wellington, so the Haka has become more important to me.

Just Doing My Part

2005-08-31T16:15:00.000-07:00

There are lots and lots of Hurricane Katrina websites out there. Mine has been up since Sunday night, using a default WordPress install, while I madly finish the software for my check-in site.

The check-in site doesn't look like much, but that's on purpose. It's designed to use minimal system resources or bandwidth. It can run on a laptop. It can be installed in minutes.

Anyway, that's what I've been doing.

Real Renaissance festivals

2005-08-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

And as long as we're being Elizabethan...

Here's a collection of what the British Library is calling Renaissance Festival books. No, not those nutty American Renaissance Festivals. Books about festivals and observances (and the people thad made them) from the Renaissance, digitized for your reading pleasure.

What is a festival book?

Festival books are printed accounts of these occasions, issued by or with the approval of court, city or religious authorities. They are often customised with the arms of a princely house, hand-coloured illustrations or a fine binding. The books usually offer eye-witness accounts of a festival, sometimes embellished with moral or philosophical reflections - though at their simplest they may just be a list of names.

Enjoy!

The Elizabethan Costumer's Guide to Home Depot

2005-08-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

Off and on over the centuries, I've been a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism.

I used to gird my loins with armour and stride out onto the battlefield and, well, get killed a lot. Eventually I realized I enjoy making the armor quite a bit more than fighting in it, and sort of drifted away from the SCA. But while I was doing all of this Manly Combat stuff, I spent a lot of time in hardware stores and eventually Home Depot buying plywood and hose clamps and duct tape and plastics and all of the other materials modern medievalists adapt into instruments of war.

And it wasn't just us Manly Men, either: Here's Sarah Lorraine Goodman's The Elizabethan Costumer's Guide to Home Depot.

- via BoingBoing

Periodic Table of Science Fiction

2005-08-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

Back in the old days of 2002, Michael Swanwick embarked on an unusual project: he wrote a short short story every working day. One story for each element of the periodic table, in order from hydrogen all the way through the elements up to good ole element 118, Ununoctium. The stories were great fun: some of them really about the elements:

Last of all, and most valued, are the oxygen planets, often called the "Goldilocks worlds" because in order to hold the extensive oceans that make such atmospheres stable, they must be neither too far from their suns nor too near, but can only exist at a "just right" distance.

And some of the stories weren't about the real element at all:

But it is not beauty that brings visitors to the Ritz-Beryllium. Beauty, for them, is so common as to be invisible.

They come for the squalor.

At the Ritz-Beryllium, maids place dust-bunnies under the beds each morning. There is always a film of grime on the bureaus and the smudgy patina of fingerprints on the mirrors. The bathtubs all have rings.

You can read them all over here.

- Thanks to Lucy Kemnitzer for jogging my memory.

Comment Spam

2005-08-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm getting hit with comment spam in the general form of:

From [perfect stranger]

Loved your post. Here's my blog.

A longer description, perhaps a line or two, that could be mistaken for an
e-mail signature line and always has a pointer to a business that has nothing
to do with the post follows.

Here's the thing: I'm a programmer, and such a reply is easy to automate. You're not fooling me one single bit.

I invite comments.
I like comments and online discussions.

You freeloaders can pay for your own advertising space.

Update:
And I've been reading through Blogger's help files.

Comment spam on Blogger sites does nothing to increase your Google page rank. Comments on Blogger sites are almost ignored by Google.

They're on to you.

Business for Geeks

2005-08-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a summary of a presentation from this year's OSCON on selling your business idea to investors.

An engineer might think that all that is required is to combine a good idea with great people and go about your business building the product. To the surprise of most of the session attendees, the list of questions that a potential investor wants answered doesn't include "Is it a cool product?"

The business people focus instead on customers for the product. They want to determine if there are enough customers willing to pay and whether or not they are high-margin customers. An investor wants to know that customers care about the product. They worry about such things as sales channels and market conditions.

As a long-time geek who has a hard time understanding how non-techies tick, this is fascinating.

- via BrainLog

We control the vertical. We control the horizontal.

2005-08-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

We see every single comment that comes to the Village and we delete comment spam.

Just saying, is all. If your comment is deleted and you think it's not spam, feel free to appeal.

Your mission, Mr Bond, is to sell this novel

2005-08-11T15:29:00.000-07:00

Agent 007 is an ex-editor who is now working as a literary agent. Interesting notes on editing, agenting, and what it's like being on the other side of the editor's desk.

As far as editors are concerned, some agents are smart. Some of them have great taste, great connections, a great list of writers they’d eat all their red pencils just to edit. But the idea of being one of them is… well… unthinkable.

However, I’ve since gained valuable perspective. I know what goes on behind this side of the curtain, and I know how frustrating it can be. But I spent a fair amount of time last week ranting about editors, so I’d like to expose the scoundrels among agents today. Let’s face it, agenting has a bad rep because there are quite a few lousy agents out there.

007 is also soliciting questions, which are themselves quite interesting.

Castle!

2005-08-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

In the forests of Burgundy about two hours south of Paris, a brand new medieval castle is rising over the landscape.

Guedelon uses only medieval construction techniques. The site is open to the public and the builders are happy to explain
their crafts as they go.

I've done this myself, building furniture at the Remnaissance Festival, but mon Dieu this is nifty.

Mirabilis articles: here and here.

Essential Travel Information

2005-07-28T16:04:00.000-07:00

How to say "My Hovercraft is full of eels" in quite a few languages. Because you just never know.

- Link via Supergee