Villagers With Pitchforks

The flaming torches were delayed in transit, sorry.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Has Your Planet Been Destroyed?

And hard on the, er, hooves of that last, we have the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board.
The International Earth Destruction Advisory Board (IEDAB) is an independent scientific institution which monitors the current status of the Earth and the number of times it has been destroyed. In the event of the Earth being destroyed it will be the IEDAB's job to relay this information to people who need to know and provide advice on how to proceed.
It's great to know that somebody's on the job. Very complete. There are sections on how to destroy the Earth, fictional destruction of the Earth (which doesn't count), and my favorite section:
Why destroy the Earth?

If you've decided to have the Earth destroyed, then you clearly already have your motive and don't need my advice. But if, for whatever reason, you're seeking to get inside the mind of the planet-killer, then read on.

Why destroy the Earth? Why, you maniac, WHY?

1. Because it is there

A response first given by George Mallory after being relentlessly questioned as to why he desired to become the first man to climb to the highest point on Earth, the peak of Mount Everest. It did for him and it can do for you. Who needs a reason? The doing of the thing is its own reward.

2. To further science

You'll be employing the scientific principles of [whatever method you use] on a greater scale than ever before. You'll have recording devices observing the event from all angles and on all wavelengths. The telemetry taken from the destruction of the Earth will reveal more about the universe, and science, and the Earth itself than anybody can possibly imagine! Isn't that worth it?

3. Special effects no longer satisfy me

One can't argue with the fact that the total annihilation of an object of the Earth's size is going to be pretty spectacular however it happens. If you are the kind of person who likes explosions and implosions and other destructive events, then this is going to be the biggest you're likely to experience in a lifetime.
That's my favorite. And there's much, much more.

- via Making Light


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