Villagers With Pitchforks

The flaming torches were delayed in transit, sorry.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

I Shot J.R.

There's a fascinating meme going around LiveJournal: List ten things you've done that nobody else (at least on your Friends list) has done. For no real reason, Sherwood Smith's #3 is my favorite:
3: Well, I knew who shot JR before the big show. Now, I never watched TV, but I read all the Lorimar scripts that went through, and that day it seemed odd that the writer himself brought it down and stood there while I copied it—he, of course, didn’t know that I am an extremely fast speed reader when I need to be. So when I hand it back I say, “Interesting choice of murderer,” he gives me this strained look. Ten minutes later the producer calls me up and almost threatens to have me eviscerated. “At this point, Miz Smith, the only three people in the world who know that information are you, me, and the writer. My wife doesn’t even know. The writer’s wife doesn’t even know.” In other words: we know where you live. And oh, did I mention that in those long ago days everyone whispered that Lorimar was backed by the Mafia? Of course I kept the secret.
Now I never watched Dallas, ever, (and indeed a variant of the "things I've done" list is "things I've never done that you probably have"), so as far as I'm concerned, the cute girl I saw on Fifth Avenue in Pittsburgh that spring day so long ago - the one in the "I Shot J.R." T-shirt - was the culprit.

I never saw Dallas, not once, but even I knew J.R. needed killin' as they say in Texas.

Sherwood Smith's ten things
Mine, in case you were at all curious

No, Sherwood Smith and I don't know each other. When it's a slow day, I follow links all over the Web. You'd be amazed.

Match of the Day

In this corner, noted professor, theater critic and man about town: Rousin' Robert Pela!

In this corner, noted Renaissance comedy skeleton: Ded Bob!

Assignment for the day: Pela to interview Bob!
This is what it's come to: I have driven for nearly an hour in order to interview a big plastic skeleton. What's more, I'm doing it at a place I swore I'd never, ever visit: the Arizona Renaissance Festival
Let the witty bon mots begin!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Bad-Ass Hockey Action!

From McSweeney's: Highlights of the 2004-2005 NHL Season

Friday, February 18, 2005


Hastings, Clayton and Tucker are really the Senior Partners! It all makes sense!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Another Use For Those Pitchforks

Mendocino County, California is pondering the establishment of standards for organic marijuana. I'm not a user myself, but let's put it this way: a good friend of mine has glaucoma. It'll be interesting to see where this goes.

What is... The Thing?

Driving through the Arizona desert, you see the signs:

KJZZ's Rene Gutel uncovers the mystery. (Spoilers!)

Monday, February 14, 2005

Build Your Own Chicago

Normally, as a guy who loves to travel (even on business) - I'd say just go there, but if you can't then try this series of postcards. Add a Cubs game on TV - spring training starts soon - and you've got the whole Chicago experience.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Who Are Hastings, Clayton & Tucker?

During a recent flight, I learned this Important Legal Fact from the inflight magazine:
Barry Manilow is a registered trademark of Hastings, Clayton & Tucker, Inc.
Well. Does this mean that the man - the genius - behind I Write the Songs and Copacabana is a legal fiction? Did he never exist? And if that's the case, who's playing the Vegas Hilton?

My guess: The man inside c-3PO: Anthony Daniels. Note the eerie resemblance. And you never, never see Barry Manilow and Anthony Daniels together. Or even Barry Manilow and C-3PO.
And the Vegas Hilton does have a well-known connection to science fiction.

So what's the real story? We may never know. The shadowy firm of Hastings, Clayton & Tucker, Inc. does not seem to have its own Web site. More details as we get them...

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


Here's a quick rule of thumb: Don't annoy science fiction writers. These are people who destroy entire planets before lunch. Think of what they'll do to you.

- John Scalzi

Fafnir's arch-nemesis

Step on over to the Fafblog archives and look for "revenge days". Read. Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit. Here's a taste:
Monday I run into my arch-nemesis at the donut shop. It's been so long! "How ya been!" I go. He's got a wife an kids an stuff now an he's workin on his doctorate an he works for a company that makes jellybeans! "That's so cool, I love jellybeans, how do you make em!" says me. We go on a tour of a jellybean factory an I get to see everything, it is so cool! We talk for hours. It's not till I get home that I remember the revenge. Oooh darn you arch-nemesis! I'll get you yet!

Quote of the Day

I thought EVERYBODY knew Wonder Woman had an invisible plane. I found out to the contrary yesterday that a good number of people don't. For God's sake, what are they teaching in our schools?

- Tom Tuerff