Villagers With Pitchforks

The flaming torches were delayed in transit, sorry.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Headline of the Week

Flying Cow Leaves Two Police Cars in Flames

We don't make this stuff up, folks. We can't possibly even come close.

Friday, March 17, 2006

In Which Mr Connors Plays the Curmudgeon.

That I am wearing green today of all days means I need to do laundry.

I hardly drink at all and I don't really understand loud noisy drunken parties. Tried them, they're not for me. That's part of what makes me unique, and yes, I'm aware that it borders on Aspergers. So be it. I earn a good living and am content.

The only time I've been in a bar on St Paddy's day I was paid to be there as part of the band.

That we celebrate the Irish at all is to my way of thinking, a good thing. But I don't approve of the way we in America do it.

As I say to any who'll hear: With a name like Paddy O'Connor, I hardly have to wear green to prove I'm Irish, now do I?

Y'all have fun. I'll be over here in the corner.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Of Vital Importance to Western Civilization

Monty Python now have an on-line silly walks generator. Amuse your friends, abuse your corporate bandwidth, have fun.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Has Your Planet Been Destroyed?

And hard on the, er, hooves of that last, we have the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board.
The International Earth Destruction Advisory Board (IEDAB) is an independent scientific institution which monitors the current status of the Earth and the number of times it has been destroyed. In the event of the Earth being destroyed it will be the IEDAB's job to relay this information to people who need to know and provide advice on how to proceed.
It's great to know that somebody's on the job. Very complete. There are sections on how to destroy the Earth, fictional destruction of the Earth (which doesn't count), and my favorite section:
Why destroy the Earth?

If you've decided to have the Earth destroyed, then you clearly already have your motive and don't need my advice. But if, for whatever reason, you're seeking to get inside the mind of the planet-killer, then read on.

Why destroy the Earth? Why, you maniac, WHY?

1. Because it is there

A response first given by George Mallory after being relentlessly questioned as to why he desired to become the first man to climb to the highest point on Earth, the peak of Mount Everest. It did for him and it can do for you. Who needs a reason? The doing of the thing is its own reward.

2. To further science

You'll be employing the scientific principles of [whatever method you use] on a greater scale than ever before. You'll have recording devices observing the event from all angles and on all wavelengths. The telemetry taken from the destruction of the Earth will reveal more about the universe, and science, and the Earth itself than anybody can possibly imagine! Isn't that worth it?

3. Special effects no longer satisfy me

One can't argue with the fact that the total annihilation of an object of the Earth's size is going to be pretty spectacular however it happens. If you are the kind of person who likes explosions and implosions and other destructive events, then this is going to be the biggest you're likely to experience in a lifetime.
That's my favorite. And there's much, much more.

- via Making Light

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Bovine Alien Abductions

I just want to go on record about the cow alien abduction situation. First of all, I am not actually a cow myself, I merely perform as one on a filk album. Having made that clear, and after reassuring my worried spouse, I would like to suggest that perhaps these disappearances are not alien abductions.

I worked for several years at a not for profit senior retirement community that was staffed mostly by Evangelical Christians who thought Casper the Friendly Ghost was good buddies with Satan and that they, being good Christians would someday soon Rapture. Rapture, I was told, was based on biblical texts from Revelations and it involves True Believers just vanishing off the face of the Earth just before Armageddon. This would leave the nonbelievers fighting over the abandoned cars, homes and luxury items left behind.

I've been waiting patiently for this to happen and until today, thought they were just full of it, you know. But what if God, in his infinite wisdom, has decided that the Rapture should start with cows? I mean, it does make a certain kind of sense. If I were God I would start with cows just to get the kinks worked out. Cause once you've Raptured a couple dozen cows, then a human, even a Sumo wrestler should be a cakewalk, right? Now, all the cows of my acquaintance happen to be pagan, Baha'i or just highly spiritual, but there must be Evangelical Christian cows somewhere out there. After all, it is not merely a coincidence that there are a high concentration of cows in the bible belt. Christans are supposed to witness, right? To convert the unfaithful or merely misguided. Is it so hard to believe that in their zeal, they maybe have converted the odd bovine or two? Most modern barns have radios. Well, maybe those milkcows have been treated to the silver tongued persuasions of talk radio hosts and have become born again! So this could be it folks, the beginning of the end. First a few cows, tomorrow Pat Robertson and Billy Graham. By Friday it could just us heathens left.

Party, my place, bring a suitable animal sacrifice, clothing optional.

It makes sense, and I'm shocked that no one else has made the obvious connection. Just remember, once we are all driving a Lexus or a BMW it won't be nearly as big a status symbol. Just saying.

Quote of the day, technical division

Robert Anderson:
To this end, I want to introduce the HyperText Snarkup Language (HTSL) which will initially be described as simply an extension of XHTML with a namespace. This will allow publishers to have full control over their snark.
Read the whole thing.

Damn Aliens!

We seem to have a serious problem. As the spouse of a Harmony Heifer, I'm somewhat alarmed.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Much Rejoicing In The Village!

I got a call from New Zealand this evening where it is already tomorrow, which just blows my mind. I get time travel headaches easily. Can't watch The Terminator without taking prophylactic pain relievers. Anyway, Eli was calling to tell me that she and Frank are going to be here the 24th through the 31st! Whoo Hooo! It was going to be a surprise, and indeed, Patrick has known about it for a while because there was much sneakiness going on, but Eli and Patrick wisely decided to spill the beans early. Anyway, we are very excited, and Patrick is relieved that he doesn't have to keep a secret any more. I find it odd that the child who got on my nerves on a regular basis when she lived in Tempe has become very beloved and missed now that she lives in Middle Earth. She's been gone 15 months, and because she is a Rennie, we of course will spend their only weekend in the US at the Faire. Frank, bless him is a fan, so it won't take him long to adapt to faire mode. My daughter's fella fits right in with the family. Festival Festival Festival!!!

Introducing the little lady

I just added my wife Chis Dickenson to the Village - she's the more talkative of the two of us. Should be interesting.